Remembering Is Harder
by EmLovesYouu
Summary: -"No, Ange, it will not be alright! In what cruel universe could this possibly turn out alright?" - Oneshot.


**So, this is another oneshot I wrote just now. Sorry that its so short, but well, yeah, its kinda short.**

**Enjoy!**

_**(This is where the line break should be)**_

"No, I can't," she sobbed, "Not now; not yet."

Pulling Brennan into her arms, Angela stroked her hair soothingly as her friend cried.

"Shh, Sweetie, it'll be alright," Angela whispered.

Shaking her head, Brennan said, "No, Ange, it will _not_ be alright! In what cruel universe could this _possibly_ turn out alright?"

Placing her hands on Brennan's shoulders, Angela looked into her eyes and said, tears running down her cheeks, "Bren, I know you don't want to do this and I know how hard and horribly wrong this all is, but it's something you _have_ to do. Believe me, if you don't do this, you will regret it; for the rest of your life. Please, Sweetie, if not for you, you _have_ to do this for him."

Falling into her arms, Brennan broke down once again, "I can't, Ange, I _won't_."

"Shh, I'm so sorry, Bren, but I'm not giving you a choice. You have to do this," Angela reasoned, wiping away her friends tears.

"I – I can't. I – I'm n – not ready. I'm not ready to do this," Brenna stuttered unable to find the logic and reason behind the situation; for one of the first times in her life.

"You'll never be ready to do this. This isn't something _anyone_ will be ready to do."

They waited, there in each others arms, even though the both of them knew how little time there was left. Time that should not be wasted. Big decisions had to be made, the biggest decisions of Brennan's life.

Getting to her feet, Brennan wiped her face free of tears, though new ones just kept on coming, and walked down the hall; remembering.

Remembering all the times they'd shared. She remembered knowing that something was different about him, that he wasn't like everyone else, even in their first moments of meeting. She remembered his persistence and her own stubbornness. Remembering all the times they'd bickered and fought, she cursed silently to herself, yelling internally at the stupidity of it. All the times they'd argued, were times wasted; times that could have been spent much more efficiently. It's kind of ironic in times of reminiscence that one can only think of the bad times and all that they regret, instead of remembering all the joy and laughter and friendship and love. Irony was an arse; spitting things back at her in the worst times, like it was trying to make her feel the weight of her guilt on her shoulders.

Remembering was so hard, when really, it should be so easy. Thinking forward, looking into the future, is what should be hard. Looking into her future, Brennan saw her struggle, and that was all she could really see; what was so hard about that? Remembering was a hell lot harder. Remembering made you stress out, when you couldn't remember every detail exactly. Like all the times she'd bought him socks; she couldn't pinpoint the exact shade of each of those pairs, and they were just the easy things. It was things like trying to remember whether or not you'd done something together; trying to remember when the last time you told him what you felt for him. Trying to remember _everything_ is what makes remembering the hardest.

Numbness was an extremely obscure feeling. She could see herself walking, she could see the rooms and the people moving beside her, but she couldn't _feel_ herself walking. The idea of not being able to feel, like she'd put up those thick brick walls again after so long, was what really frightened her.

Though the thought of seeing him now frightened her even more.

Rounding the corner, she reached where he was. Laying in a clean white bed, in a plain white room. Connected to tubes and machines, needles sticking out of him this way and that.

Sitting in the hard wooden chair beside his bed, she took his hand in hers and laid her head against his chest crying. She flinched slightly as his other hand came up to hold her closer.

"Hey, Bones," he whispered huskily, barely audible in the silent room.

Raising her head, Brennan felt another pain in her heart when she saw him smiling, the sight just as beautiful as ever. "I'm not ready, Booth," she cried, "I can't do it."

"Shhh, Bones," he soothed, a single tear rolling down his ghostly pale cheek.

"I'm not ready to do this, Booth, but there's no time left to prepare myself. But, I really don't think I can do this; I'm not ready to say goodbye. _I'll never be ready to say goodbye_," she whispered, the last little part almost completely drowned out by her tears.

"It's okay, Bones. You're not ready, I'm not ready; but we have to be," Booth said.

"Life isn't fair," Brennan muttered through her sobs.

"I know, Bones, I know. Life's a piece of shit sometimes, but you're strong; much stronger than me. And you've got Ange and Hodgins, and _Parker._ You'll be fine-"

She cut him off, "I will _not _ be fine; not eve-"

"_Eventually_, you'll be fine. One day," Booth said, though it sounded like a promise. More tears coming, Booth whispered, "I love you, Bones. Always have, always will."

Nodding against his chest she replied, "me too, Booth. More than you know," and she pressed her shaking lips to his tenderly as she felt him go still beneath her.

_**(This is where the line break should be)**_

**Don't hate me, Jess!**

**Sorry for not pre-warning you about character death, but that just spoils the story. I don't know what's happening to me, I've started writing sad non-happy-ending stories. Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought.**

**Em xXxXxxx**


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